My Stupid Mouth

Relationships, how do we really define them? what kind of rules must be established from the beginning? or do we just play it by ear and take them day by day? i can't seem to find boundaries these days in any of the relationships i have. they seem to evolve so fast and dissolve just as quickly. I keep turning to other people to work out whats going on in my head. Tell ME your problems however, and I've got you figured out in three minutes. I used to ask people all the time to listen to my shit and help me figure it out. and we would. and WOULD feel validated until something else arose. Sometimes validation and reassurance is what we need to help us with the next step. I keep finding myself pretending i'm another person asking myself for advice. Jess, What would you do in this situation? and I have no answer. i have no idea. Then i had this awakening, instead of "what would (insert friend or a certain vampire slayers name) do?" I began to ask myself "What would I do?" What would Jesse do?....but now. i don't know. i don't have my instruction manual that index's my problems with the solution on page 44.and whats more i think i'm broken. I once knew how relationships worked but now with the poor choices i've been making in these last few weeks I wonder if i ever knew. I feel like the beginner, the novice. I'm going into default playing stupid games that protect my heart and frustrate everyone else. No more games. But then i hear myself and catch myself in old habits. Every relationship i've ever had began in some amazing Disney fairytale and has ended Shakespearian style. minus the death. and with each one i've had the mentality that I'd just found "the one" Maybe i've graduated from that way of dating and thinking. Maybe i've gone backwards. Maybe i try too hard.

or maybe i just think too much...crap