thankful

Thanksgiving. what am I thankful for? I'm thankful for having an incredibly supportive family, crazy beautiful friends and a safe place to learn and to grow. Break was good, but not long enough. I felt like I spread myself thin trying to reconnect with everyone at home. I picked Carl up from the Philadelphia Airport the day after thanksgiv. We pretty much rock. alot.


transitions again. within one. Not really sure where it's going. i just feel like i'm in the middle of something. I've rebuilt my castle and the walls stand strong (gay haha.)
It was good explore the world of pain in my session today. yes. jesse is quite psycho. :)

pain, loss, we all deal with it in different ways, some turn to drugs and alcohol, some choose to ignore it and bottle it up isolating themselves from the rest of the world, some turn to new lovers, old lovers, rebounds, sex and hookups for the moment, some cry, some punch walls, some drown. and then some learn, grow, laugh and remember the good times. Then eventually heal and move on. cheers.

isn't this better?

betrayer, betrayed. a guilty conscious hurts everyone. tried to find my way home, way too crossfaded. lost. just when i thought i couldn't hit rock bottom. so many recitals, so little time. 3 fabulous senior women have come so far. party party. I can't wait for thanksgiving. mmmm the best cranberry sauce EVER. i love playing with text color. i'm so ADD. ha. 22 soon. another year. so different. SO different... isn't this better?

patterns

i've been thinking about patterns, patterns i don't fall into. other people do. its nice to sit back, disconnect and watch. reruns. Lifes a show and we all play a part. same old same old. the wall feels my wrath. i don't bruise easily anymore. i did last year. throw me against the wall and blame me for the lashing i give myself. drink mystery punch. drunken punches thrown. FREEZE. My all is more than enough. blinded by the sweet sunshine. never a waste though. learn. step back wild child. take a good look at me now. FRESH.

Where to go now? SWEAT? didn't mean to laugh at Nova. sorry, no time, no money for that. Manhattan maybe. what direction? i don't even know if i have the support of my parents right now. dancing, not my thing. i DO know my weaknesses. training. training. absorbing.
still not feeling it. maybe i will tomorrow. my aurora supports me only so much. I've never EVER been this angry.

NO MORE

done and DONE. power, i have it. no more tears, no more roller coasters, no more screw ups, no more talks, no more mind games, no more love, no more feelings, no more drama, no more lies. no more. HA. numb. feel my face, i don't feel it. injected with lies that burn then allow the change and healing to begin. truth. sculpted. made. found. I had fun. he didn't. too worried about who than what. and scene. it was over before it began. What would david do? what would carter do? what would buffy or veronica do? no. it can't be like that. i'm alone. standing on my own two feet. when it comes down to it no support. the only person who will always be there for me is me. its the truth and its wonderful to admit, to accept. what would Jesse do? it's what i ask now. its my daily check up. and its 100% correct. tell me i'm wrong. i'll fight you. *grins*