we are the lucky ones

where to even begin. so lost in the shadows. darting eyes. i've been sharing my bed. i've made it and have lied in it every night. alone or not. addictions run deep. aware. what next. how do we make it stop? its blood. scarlet hot pumping veins. it runs deeper. who will have the next ride on the town bike you ask? pick me choose me love me. these sheets are empty. yet still hot against my skin. every hair on end. i can't let go. can i just be wrapped around by a pair of arms that will hold me, calm me, protect me from the outside world.

the outside world. real. can't i just be in kindergarten again studying japan and running around the playground trying to kiss all the boys? those were simpler times. i keep reaching for that little big headed boy that wore frog boots and pink socks that i once was. Am i moving forward? everyones growing up, going to nursing school, getting an apartment with their boyfriend, getting engaged, having kids, getting agents and jobs... and i'm watching pokemon movies...where do i go from here? WHERE do i go from here? where do I go from here? where do i GO from here? where do i go from HERE?

i'm so happy and so lucky to have so many people in my life around who have shaped me into this strange little boy. who i am. I'm not ready to let go of that. of us. i in fact REFUSE to let go of it.

We are the lucky ones