X-ray the sky. the clouds are shaped like animals. look at the camel kneeling, and the barge. haha. rays brighten the edges. a silver lining? wheres mine?

I sang in studio. I'ts hard to Speak my Heart from Parade. It's scary singing in front of all opera people. I got a lot of good feedback from that. A lot of emotion, they said. well its all i have right now.

I needed to go home. needed to get away from here for a night. My parents noticed a change in me while we were talking over dinner. I would have to agree that I have been in many transitions these past few weeks. balence. I need to find it. It's hard for me to deal with change and everyday I have some new awakening that changes everything. I'm still trying to understand everything that is thrown at me on a daily basis.

Old friends, new friends...who can i overwhelm next? i feel like all i have to offer right now to people is emotional baggage.

I hate you heart.

Theory-- i just don't get it. i'm gonna fail this class...... ugh.
A.A meetings... not the place for me. Booze has not made my life unmanagable. A control that needs to be found. Dont' lie and tell me you didn't think I was out of control. I'll let it slide. Stand still. need to find balence. roadblocks. truthfully if i hold on to what I wish and want right now i'll drown. Great covo tonight. I feel awake for once. enough daydream endless nights.

It's been weird being back. so many relationships to fumble through. we reconnect with questions that basically ask, who are you? and Where have you been? Identity hasn't come foward with a problem with me since middle school. I feel little and in 8th grade again. finding myself.

rain. haven't smoked for a while. GO see URSULA and pay 2 dollars.