undecided, uninterested, not caring, slightly numb. has it kicked in yet? it's snowing where they are. magical snow. its freezing outside, inside. my feet are cold. my hands feel like theres no blood in them. i manage to keep warm at night. kick in, kick in. falling back into fucked patterns. an uncontrollable desire. who's using who. i keep forgetting, i gotta help myself. gotta take my own serving and for once dish it out. what the fuck. alone at last. free. easier is only making me want more highs. its over. 3 strikes, i'm out.