new book?

sober moments. interesting. foreign. :) i miss maria. crazy bitch. drained. need to get some sleep. my sea monkeys are still alive. they are big now and have little black eyes. bertha is still the fattest one. and yes they are still eating cheese its. no thanks to ryan. back to the four of us. nothing really to say about that. it is what it is. i had to akwardfy (my new word, it WILL be IN soon.) the situation. but i feel like the small talk reminded us what its like to be on the same page. wow. and what a new book it is.

i stopped the meds. no need for them. i'm in a really good place right now. knock on wood. *knock knock* text SEX. everyday. haaaaaaaa. oh kevin.

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

i won't forget the convo we had that night. called out on why i couldn't just let go and just BE around him alone. always had to have other people around. i'm still a little scared. do i have enough to offer anyone? and do i want to right now? do i pretend to not be interested? i learned to slow and we didn't have enough time. invade my personal space please?

voice lessons. ugghh laura had to kick my ass. just a little embarrassing cause it was my first one with cris. i feel like i want to sing EVERYTHING in my junior recital, (still don't know the fucking date yet - i have to change it once again.) I should save some stuff for my senior recital huh. hmmmm. only problem right now is my "walk away" problem. i keep going right back to the one thing i need to walk away from. its beyond strike 3 by now, i've been out of the game for sometime but i keep striking and striking. maybe i need my aurora again. she helps straighten things out. i feel like somethings missing though. can't put my finger on it....hmm... about that sleep. this is jesse, signing out. hahaha.